I’m the 7th child, born on the 7th day of the 8th month. That makes me almost lucky.
I think about my relationship with my family a lot. Probably more than my siblings or my parents think I do. (I could be wrong, but I’m probably not.)
As I get older and find life to be more physically challenging, I think about who came before me, and how they’re getting on.
I don’t talk to all of my 3 brothers and 3 sisters all that often. I make a point to talk to my Mother at least once a week. And I have 1 or 2 sisters that I communicate with regularly. Other than that – it’s holidays, special events, facebook.
I woke up this morning and showered and dressed. I looked at myself closely in the mirror. Damn, I look old.
And I’m not getting any younger.
I think about being the youngest of seven children. I have 2 parents and 1 grandmother still living (Thank God). But I realize I am totally unprepared for the loss of any of them.
And they are surely all to go.
And I am the youngest of 7 children. I have 3 older brothers, 3 older sisters, a mother, a father and a grandmother (96 this year!). And I can honestly say, to lose a piece of this family puzzle will put me in such a state, I cannot fathom.
I don’t like thinking about these things. But sometimes, when I praying about all my blessings, my mind slips … what if they weren’t there. And then I write blogs like this.
I don’t think I could bear the loss. Not of one. Why would I be placed in such a large family, with so many kind, loving people if I were to watch them all be picked off by fate one by one?
I could not handle that.
Maybe this is my responsibility, because I am the baby. Death is not something I fear for myself. Pain, yes, I fear pain. Death, no. I want to be selfish and wish I will never watch anyone in my family ever pass. I pray for their happiness and health and safety every night.
But as I see myself get older, I realize, we are all aging. And we are all finite. And it is this, that when I think too much, that I become saddened at the possibility of all I could lose.
I realize, as blessed as I am … I’m not really lucky at all.




