Introducing the Juicy, Green-Eyed Monster

“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy — in fact, they’re almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil…”

Robert Heinlein Oh, jealousy. I know you well.  I am happy to report that I haven’t felt horribly jealous in a very, very long time. Ok, maybe I’m jealous that I didn’t get to go to Korea like I had planned, and my sister and niece do. But, that’s probably pretty normal. (I really wanted to go) But I’m happy for them and I know that these things work out the way they do for a reason, so I’m over it. I remember being in a relationship, and being insanely jealous. Jealous of attention that wasn’t given me, jealous of conversations I didn’t get to have, jealous of inside jokes that I didn’t know. Yeah, I had some issues. But I can say, I didn’t develop these thoughts unfounded, they were placed in my lap and my reaction was jealousy. Oh, how it kills the love and trust and respect. But I’ve since moved on, and I’ve looked closely at my jealous tendency. I realize it is insecurity, it is fear, often unfounded (but not always).  I think if we love somebody, we accept them completely. For who they are, who they were and who they are yet to be. We’ve got to let people be – expect nothing. Long-term relationships tend to foster expectation – it’s habit, you learn that as you go.  So, jealousy is kind of normal in a small, tiny way. And even though I understand that, I still don’t get it’s purpose. Why do we feel something that has no use? Even fear has usefulness. But jealousy? What good is it? I have a friend who I love so very much. He’s smart and intuitive and ‘on the ball’. He knows what he wants and who he is. And yet, he’s in a relationship with a crazy, jealous woman. Which is odd to me, considering she is drop-dead gorgeous, stunning really. She’s smart and funny and a good person – and – she loves him. And yet, he has to bear the brunt of her unfounded accusations. She flies into fits of rage at his slightest mention of a woman, or god forbid, an ex girlfriend (even those that are engaged to be married!).  I can understand both sides. I’ve been in relationships with intensely jealous men (and hated it), and I’ve been the crazy, jealous girlfriend. Thankfully, I’m experiencing neither at the moment. If anything, I’ve been given another chance to look at things from the outside.  I like it much better. I can’t say I’ll never feel jealous again, but I will stop myself from reacting to that feeling. I know that it’s in me, as much as love and fear and faith. But it’s up to me, to decode the mysteries of it’s existence and squeeze from it all it’s juicy usefulness.  Ahhh …. the juicy, green-eyed monster.